So I had another incredibly real Shawn dream last night.  I was at work and he came in.  I asked him what he was doing and he told me that he wasn't allowed to stay in China anymore, so he came back to Albany.  I gave him the key to the house and he said he would go there and wait for me to come home.  I was excited to have him back and know that he was at home waiting for me.  In the dream I did the thing where I told myself that it wasn't a dream and he was actually back.

Then of course I wake up and realize that it was a dream and he wasn't back.  Then I'm left with a feeling that sticks with me all day, like I'm close to him or something.  Like I just saw him.  But I didn't.  It's weird.

When will the dreams stop?  They're just mean.  They're always the same.  He comes back into my life and I'm happy and I tell myself it's not a dream.  Always.

I need closure.  I'm never going to get it.  It still all feels so...left wide open.  I hope someday I can get an explanation.

Sometimes I wonder how he lives with himself.  Sometimes I wonder if he ever misses me.

In other news...

The semester is about to start which means work is about to get crazy and basically the next two weeks I'm going to be working crazy hours.  It's my least favorite time of year.  But I know it will go by quickly.

Odin got groomed last night.  I hate when he's getting groomed and I go home to a completely empty house.  I miss him when he's not there, even if it's only for an hour.  He looks pretty handsome though.

Time for bed.  Hopefully there won't be any dreams tonight.