"I like you a lot because you're comfortable in your own skin, and you're confident but also really chill... in a way that I used to be and have been trying to get back to. If ya change your mind, feel free to pop back in. Otherwise, be sure to take those traits with you."

Part of Dave's response back to me when I told him I couldn't see him anymore. It made me cry. He really is a great guy.


I had a small breakdown on Friday when I got home and mom and I talked about how I was feeling. I still feel so lost and confused. If I let myself think too hard about things I just fall apart mentally. I would love to have one day where I don't think about Shawn or what he did or what I don't have anymore.  

Mom doesn't think talking to him would help me feel any better. I do. I just have so many questions and even after all this I still want to see him. 

These are feelings I don't know how to get rid of. It's so easy for some people to just turn the feelings off and move on, but it's not for me. It's going to take me a 
long time before I feel okay about things.

I feel like I'm running out of time. By the time I'm 30 I would love to be married. I feel like I wasted four years with a person who turned out to be the worst thing that ever happened to me. I've never felt pain like this before. I wouldn't take back those years with him, though. I'm not sure where I'd be right now without having him in my life. Maybe I'd be with someone else who is wonderful. Maybe I'd be just as alone. I'll never know.

I just want to talk to Shawn. I know I should want nothing to do with him. But I just want to talk to him. I don't understand why he can't at least give me that.

...and FX is running a marathon of all the Paranormal Activity movies, which make me think of Shawn because we loved these movies and always saw them in the theater when they came out then rented the DVDs.

Seriously. This is pathetic.