Don't waste your time on me, you're already the voice inside my head

I used to not be able to fall asleep with the TV on.  I needed silence...or mostly silence.  When I was growing up in my parent's house I would fall asleep in my room to the sounds of TVs on in other rooms of the house, usually from my parent's room across the hall or my brother's room directly below mine.  I could usually hear the TV downstairs in the living room if it was on.  So still to this day I sometimes think I hear the muffled sounds a TV when I'm trying to sleep, even if there isn't one on anywhere near me.

Then I moved in with Shawn and we got a Wii.  For two Christmas's in a row I got him the newest NHL hockey games.  He would usually wait until I went to bed then play his game because I always went to bed before him.  Sometimes he would stay up for hours and not come to bed until 2 or 3 am.  So I would fall asleep to the sound of his hockey game, the sound of the stick hitting the puck.  After he left I still thought I heard it sometimes, like I thought I heard TVs at my house.

So ever since he left I've had a new bed routine.  I need to fall asleep with the TV on now.  I usually stay up until at least 11 so I can fall asleep to Friends on Nick at Nite.  I need sound.  It helps me not think about the things I constantly think about or else I'd never let myself sleep.  It also drowns out the sound of the game that I think I'm hearing...or at least what I thought I was hearing after he left.  I probably wouldn't hear it anymore.

The Wii stopped working a few months back, so I gave it to my brother to hook up at his house so I could know if it was the actual Wii or the wires that plug into it.  The Wii was fine and my brother ejected the game that was on it...Shawn's hockey game.  The last night we spent together was probably the last night he played it.

I'm not sure why I'm writing about this stuff.  It's just something I was thinking about.  I feel like everything I do relates back to him in some way.


Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness 
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted 
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight