Weak moment tonight.  I sent Shawn a text message.

...which led to my heart jumping in my throat when I got a text back.  But as it turns out, that number I've had for Shawn ever since I met him is no longer his.  The person who replied asked who I was and then told me they just got the number a few weeks ago when they got their new phone.

I guess it makes sense.  But since Shawn's still in my phone under his name I thought he still had his phone (and his number).  Last time someone I knew changed their phone and their number their name went away on my contacts and it was just the old phone number instead.  So I sent a text thinking he'd get it when he got home or the next time he turned his phone on.

This isn't really any new information.  But I kinda feel like crying again.  I guess I thought that well, if he won't reply to my e-mails I still have his phone number just in case.  Now I don't.  He told me he took his cell phone with him (while his mom lied to me and told me he didn't).  Guess he doesn't need it now.  I wonder if this means he really isn't coming back by the end of the year.

I shouldn't care about this.  I shouldn't be going back through and reading our old texts and just torturing myself.  I should be moving on and not caring about anything he does or trying to contact him.

I know exactly what I should be doing.  I just don't know how to do it.