A year ago today I was doing exactly what I am now, baking cookies for work tomorrow.  Only, Shawn isn't here to eat a bunch of them.  I think last New Year's eve was the last time I remember feeling truly content.  I mean, the China thing was looming and Shawn had begun to act like a weirdo, but he was still him and we were still us and I came home after work to him here in the house cleaning the bathroom while the TV was on and Odin was there to greet me at the door.  I just remember feeling happy at that moment, thinking how nice it was to come home to.  Then we went out to shop for some alcohol to drink that night, most of which ended up sitting in the fridge until well into this year.  Then we just sat on the couch with each other, watching a movie and waiting for the ball to drop.  It was nice.  Thinking back on it makes me sad.  I just had no idea what was ahead for me.  I had no idea what the man I was sitting next to was going to do to me.  I didn't know what 2013 was going to turn out to be.  It was only just a few days after that that he left while I was at work and never came back.

I can't believe it has been almost exactly one year since I had him here in person.  Since I gave him that last kiss.  He's still the last person that I kissed.

This year has sucked.  2013 will go down as the worst year of my life.  I have never felt so miserable and completely helpless in my life.  I've never felt so down and ruined.  I've never felt so horrible about myself.

These are all feelings I want to get rid of in 2014.  I want to just let it all go, but it's easier said than done.  I guess my resolution for next year will be moving on.  I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I need to.  I'm still to this day, clinging so hard to my old life with Shawn.  He let go of that before he even ended things with me.  I can't let go of it and we've been officially broken up since March.  This healing process is going way slower than I would like it to.

Anyway, with all that said, I had a very good time in Boston this weekend.  The Celtics won and I got to see some new things and be out and about, which is something I need to do more of next year.  Bars aren't really my favorite places to hang out, but it was fine.  If I actually liked the taste of beer I probably would liked the places we went to a lot better.  My brother is still convinced he can get me to like beer.  He had me try everything he drank.  I couldn't stand the taste of 95% of it.

We're back to Boston in February for another game.  I'm looking forward to it.

Here was our view at the game:

It looks super far away, but it was actually a great view.

Justin annoyed me, but I did my best to not let it show that I was disgusted by him.  It was pretty interesting to see the other side, though.  He still wears his wedding ring even though he refuses to speak to his wife.  He still has his dogs as his lock screen on his phone, but he doesn't have them anymore.  But he didn't utter one mention on Erin the entire time.

So now that Monday is out of the way, tomorrow is back to more fun.  It's off to Syracuse after I get out of work at 2.  I'm going to see my friend Ashley who I haven't seen in years and we're going to see Hanson.  I'm really looking forward to it.  At least I'm not going to spend the beginning of 2014 alone on my couch.

This will likely be the last entry of 2013.  Here's hoping the 2014 blogs will be more positive.