I'm trying really hard not to constantly think about Shawn and his new girlfriend.  Today I even tried to find a way to block his new profile page so I wouldn't check it anymore now that I know it exists.

But it's so hard.  I don't know how to get over it.  I don't know how to not have my mind blown by everything.  I just keep thinking about how crazy everything is.

I'm also trying really hard to not let this affect how I deal with other relationships in my life.

The new guy I've been talking to/hanging out with, Spencer...I'm already having anxiety about him and this has only just started, whatever it is.  I mean, besides the obvious things like him maybe being too young for me and the whole work thing.  I sometimes feel like I'm not going to be good enough for him.  Like I wonder why he likes me and I look through his profile and see all the other girls he has been with in the past and think they're way prettier and I think I wouldn't be surprised if he decided I wasn't interesting enough and wanted to hang out with someone else.

I mean, how can I really trust anyone?  There must be something wrong with me since I seem to always be the one who gets left and forgotten about in the relationships I have in my life.

I know I need to calm down and relax.  I just hope Spencer doesn't want to stop hanging out with me, even if we just end up only being friends.  It has been really nice to have someone be so interested in me and want to talk to me and get to know me.  I don't want that to change, but I'm so afraid it will.

Anyway, those feelings aside, I have been pretty busy and distracted for the past few days.  Odin got sprayed by a skunk on Friday night, so that was a big unwelcome distraction.  The whole house smells now and so does he, even after he got groomed today.

On Saturday we had a bachlorette party for Kristina.  We went to Saratoga and went to a few bars before heading back to Albany to go to a couple more.  I called it a night around 11:30 and came home then I went to my parent's house this morning.

Headed back to Albany tomorrow and maybe hanging out with Spencer.

Looking forward to sleeping tonight!