Weekend

Its been a good couple of days, for the most part.

Community was renewed for a fifth season.  I almost e-mailed Shawn to tell him.  But I didn't since it wouldn't matter.  He's probably cut everything out of his life that reminds him of me too.  If he even has anything over there that reminds him of me.

I wonder if he ever thinks of me and gets sad.  I wonder if he ever stops and thinks about what he did and regrets it.  I wonder if he sometimes wants to contact me, but he's afraid that he'll miss me and want to come home.

But I mostly think he doesn't think of me at all.  I'd love to think he keeps himself awake a night thinking of how much he's hurting me and hating what he did.  He probably sleeps fine.  I do hope I pop up in his dreams from time to time.  I hope dream-me makes him feel guilty.

I was looking through some of my old facebook pictures yesterday because I like to torture myself, I guess.  I found this picture from almost 4 years ago when we went to Thatcher Park for the 4th of July.  I know our faces are mostly cut off, but it's one of my favorites because I think it captures us pretty well.  I miss making him laugh.

I hate that I wasn't important enough to him.  I wasn't worth coming back to.  I'm not even worth talking to.

Anyway.  I went home for the weekend and spent time with mom.  I stopped by Jess and Stash's house yesterday for a quick visit then Chris and Lindsey came over that night.  It's always nice to have my whole family home.

Drove back up to Albany today and Kristina and I took a 4 mile walk then went out to dinner.

Now I'm home alone with Odin again, thinking about Shawn.  Missing him.  Thinking about how he's probably not thinking about me.

I miss Shawn, of course, but I also miss being in a relationship and all the stuff that goes with it.  I miss having someone around all the time to hang out with.  On Tuesday I'm going to see Aziz Ansari with Chris and Lindsey at The Palace, which is downtown.  If Shawn were here he would have gone with us and I would have asked him to drive since I hate driving downtown.  Since I have to work late it looks like I'm going to have to drive there and meet up with Chris and Lindsey.  I wish Shawn was here to go with me.

I've got a busy week ahead of me.  It's the end of the semester, which means it's buyback time at the bookstore.  Then next weekend is graduation and I have to work on Saturday.

I'm doing laundry right now.  When it's done I'll probably go to bed...alone.

I really want these feelings to go away.

This picture makes me smile.  It's from our walk today.  Watson just happened to look up with his goofy face right when I snapped the picture.