Thursday thoughts

So despite the dream I posted about this morning I did manage to have a pretty good day.  I think it's mostly thanks to Sarah.  Work is just way more fun with her around and we worked together all day.  Plus on her lunch break she went to Starbucks to get us frappacinos.  That was pretty awesome.

I really don't want her to move.  It's going to suck when she's gone.

I need to get more friends.

Whenever I have a really intense Shawn dream it kinda sticks with me throughout the day.  It's like I feel closer to him or something.  It's hard to explain.  It's kinda like a, "he was just here" feeling, even though he really wasn't.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm better off without having any contact with him, but it's so hard to not have any answers or any understanding of what happened.  With most break ups you at least have the person to talk to still.  There is some sort of closure.  I have nothing.  I have a boyfriend who told me he loved me and wanted to be with me and talked about marriage and a future with me, then decided he didn't want me in his life at all over night.  There is no way I'm ever going to be able to wrap my head around that.  How he could love me so much, spend years with me, do everything with me, and then decide to leave and never talk to me again.  How can he stop caring like that?  How is he going this long without talking to me and how is it not killing him?

I just want to stop thinking about it.  But I can't.  I can have good days like today, but this stuff is always in the back of my mind.  It's always there.  It's like, yeah, today was a good day, but Shawn is still gone and my life it still weird and nothing makes sense.

So, last night I went out to Chillies with two of my managers, Heather and Helen then Odin and I went on a 2 mile walk.  Tonight Sarah couldn't walk with us, but we still walked around campus for about 3 miles.  Tomorrow I'm headed home for the weekend.

I took this picture tonight when I was walking Odin.  The road in Western Ave, which is a part of Route 20.  If you haven't heard of Route 20, google it.  Shawn and I always liked living right off of Western since it's so close to everything.  Well, I always liked living by Western.  Apparently Shawn hated everything in Albany.  It's a good thing for him he never has to walk down Western again.  I can look at every part of that section of road and picture us walking down it almost every day together.  I know I've said it a million times, but it's really not fair that he doesn't have anywhere to go that will remind him of me while I can't go anywhere without thinking of a time I was there with him.

I also wish his make and model of car wasn't so popular.  I see his car almost every day and find myself always looking at the driver even though I know there is no way it could possibly be him.