Tell all the love to leave my heart, it's time for me to fall apart

I just sent Shawn an e-mail.  I just felt like I had to.  Its been 3 weeks since I've tried to contact him.  If nothing else it will remind him that what he did was crazy since he has no one telling him that.  I mean I couldn't really see what bad could come of it.  The worst thing that could happen already did.  He probably won't reply.  That's what I'm expecting.  But hopefully he'll read it.

Anyway.  Friday my friends Jess and Stash came up.  They got married in September and are on their honeymoon this week.  Jess and I have been friends since 5th grade and I'm so glad we've managed to stay friends all this time.  She is probably the most positive person I know.  On Friday night I started talking about Shawn and this whole situation and cried pretty hard.  But it felt good to talk about it with someone who has known me so long and knows me so well.  She's just as confused about it as I am, everyone is.  She hung out with us a bunch of times and we went to her wedding together, of course.  I remember her mom pulling me aside and telling me I would be next to get married.  At the time I thought she was probably right.

Their flight left at 6 am, so we got up at 4 and I drove them to the airport.  After that I was able to go back to sleep for a little bit then I went to Franklin to my parent's house. Mom and I went to lunch together like we usually do when I'm there on Saturdays.  Then we just hung out.

Today I came back up to Albany.  I went to a food swap with my friend Steph.  Steph is my oldest friend, we've known each other since pre school.  She also moved up to this area a few years back, so we hang out from time to time.  Steph also just got married this summer in August and Shawn and I were at her wedding as well.  I was a bridesmaid.  Shawn was a good sport at her wedding since he didn't really know anyone and I had to be away from him a lot of the time.

So yeah, a food swap is interesting.  Steph is very into this stuff and she's constantly making things.  I just went around with her and test tasted anything without meat.  She ended up getting a bunch of stuff and I got to eat food for free.  So it was a good deal.

When I got back home I tried to find someone to go for a walk with me and Odin, but the three people I asked were all busy.  He and I walked alone.

I'm trying to stay busy.  I'm trying to not be too upset over the fact that I spilled my heart out to Shawn in an e-mail today and he probably won't respond.  I'm trying to deal with the fact that he apparently has no room in his life for me anymore...and I'm trying to move on knowing there is absolutely nothing I can do about any of it.

I have two pictures today.  The first one is from Friday when Jess said we should try on some hats as Macy's.  Sometimes when we hang out it's like we're back in middle school.

...and this one is from tonight's walk with Odin on campus.  These ducks were walking very casually on the sidewalk in front of me, but they crossed the road to get away from Odin.