I'm still resisting the urge to e-mail him. I'm kind of hoping he'll beat me to it, but I know that won't happen. He used to care about me. I would assume he still does. But I don't know. I don't know this person he has become. I'd like to think the Shawn I love is still there somewhere, but I'll probably never see him again.
Sarah and I went for a long walk tonight with Odin. She can't join us tomorrow, but I think I'll still try to take Odin out for another long one, but we'll see. It's so much nicer when I have someone with me to talk to. Shawn and I took a lot of walks. I miss those so much.
There is a small lake right down the road. We called it the BPLP (Buckingham Palace Lake Pond - it's called Buckingham Lake, but I always wanted to say Buckingham Palace instead and it's really small so we thought of it as more a pond than a lake). It's right next to Shawn's old studio apartment where I basically moved in with him before we got our own apartment together. I love that lake. There is a trail around it and it's in a very nice, quiet part of Albany. Shawn and I spent so much time there. I always thought of it as "our spot." I don't think I'll ever be able to go back there. It has way too many memories of when we were happiest, when things were simple. I think when I look back at our relationship that time at his studio apartment next to the BPLP was my favorite. I mean, things were good up until the end of last year and this year, but that time was special and that place is special.
Alright, I'm just making myself sad now. Here's my picture from today. It's from our walk tonight on campus.
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