I try to think of what I could have done differently to change how things are right now. Maybe if I wasn't so sad about him leaving, maybe if I had supported him more.
...and what made him so miserable that he would take off to another country and never talk to me again.
It all hurts so much. I miss him so much. Every single day I think of a million things I want to tell him. I think about him walking through the door. I think about what our life would be like right now if he had stayed. We'd be sitting here together. He would be watching the Celtics/Knicks playoff series with me. He would probably decide he wants a soda from the gas station up the street during half time and Odin and I would walk with him. After the game I'd go to bed, but he would probably stay up and play the hockey game I bought him on the Wii. But first he would tuck me in and kiss me good night. Later I'd wake up when he came to bed because Odin would be laying in his spot and he'd move him out of the way.
But none of that will happen.
Does he ever think of this stuff too? Does he ever just stop and think about how I'm not in his life anymore and get sad about it? In my head I've kind of made him this heartless monster who has no feelings. Because I am only one e-mail or one skype chat away and he is actively choosing not to talk to me.
Anyway.
Last night Sarah and I took a long walk with Odin. She came over and we watched The Following. Next week is the season finale. All of my shows will be ending soon. I'll have less distractions. Not looking forward to it.
Tonight Sarah couldn't hang out so Odin and I walked 4 miles by ourselves.
Mom is going to come up on Thursday and stay through Saturday, so that will be nice.
I've pretty much worn the new Fall Out Boy album out. "Miss Missing You" is basically my life right now. Seriously.
Don’t panic
No not yet
I know I’m the one you want to forget
Tell all the love to leave my heart
It’s time for me to fall apart
Now you’re gone
But I’ll be okay
Your hot whiskey eyes
Have fanned the flames
Maybe I’ll burn a little brighter tonight
Let the fire breathe me back to life
Baby you were my picket fence
I miss missing you now and then
Chlorine kissed summer skin
I miss missing you now and then
Sometimes before it gets better
The darkness gets bigger
The person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger
We’re fading fast
I miss missing you now and then
Yeah. People can say whatever they want about Fall Out Boy, but I think they have great lyrics and fun catchy songs. I wonder if Shawn has listened to this album yet. I bet he hates Courtney Love's part in Rat a Tat Tat as much as I do.
Today's picture is from today's walk on campus.
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